Favorite jokes
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite type of music?
Rock and Roll.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Meals on wheels.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
What is a gay school boy's favorite grade?
D+.
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!
What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.