My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What's a rapper's favorite DESSERT?
Rhyme-berry pie.
What's a rapper's favorite type of CANDY?
Mic Drops.
What's a rapper's favorite insect?
Rhy-mosquito.
What's a rapper's favorite type of fruit?
RHY-MANGO
What do you call a rapper's favorite insect?
A flow bee.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
What's a rapper's favorite type of FOOTWEAR?
Rhyme Boots.
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?
The hangover.
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
My friend: “Vaporeon is my favorite Pokémon.”
Me: “Hey, did you kno-“
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favorite color.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
