Faster jokes
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?
His Internet.
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?
Because it was Halloween!
Which falls faster, a feather or an emo?
A feather, because the emos are always hanging in.
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has faster reflexes than the Twin Towers.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.