Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
I'm going to pull out your lungs faster than Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
