Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
