Family jokes
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"