Family jokes

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

How do you name an Asian child?

Ring the doorbell.

Why are orphanages like dogs?

Because they get adopted.

Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.

Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

Incest.

When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?

The redneck virgin.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."