Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
