Family jokes

My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.

I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because there is nobody to call "daddy."

Why can't orphans play football?

Because they can't be on the home team.

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”

The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

You know, their family dinners must be so happy.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Why can't orphans play on a computer?

'Cause they have no motherboard.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They can’t run to home.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

A: Apples get picked.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

Why do orphans hate baseball?

They don’t know what home base is.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!