Family jokes

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Why do orphans have to have customized phones? Because there aren't home buttons.

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Why can't an orphan go to a field trip?

Parent's signature: ___________

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"