Family jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Memes
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!