Family jokes
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.