Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
My mum's a carrot.
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
Q: Can orphans hit a home run?
A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
