Family jokes

What is the difference between a human and a magic house to get to a tree and a house to get to the earth to get home 🏡? Day today I have to get my kids and oooooo.

What is it about sisters who argue?

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

If an orphan was an animal, it would be an owl because they don't know "WHOOO" their parents are.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

Why can’t orphans tell jokes?

Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?

Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.

What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"

Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.

Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.

Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"

My dad is a pussy.