Family jokes
Why does my brother have no mom?
My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.
I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house to get to a tree and a house to get to the earth to get home š”? Day today I have to get my kids and oooooo.
Mother: We need to talk about sex...
Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.
Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Why did Morganās dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
What is it about sisters who argue?
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.
The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.
Why canāt orphans tell jokes?
Because their parents canāt *bear* the *jeans* because they donāt have any.
If an orphan was an animal, it would be an owl because they don't know "WHOOO" their parents are.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.