Family Jokes

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?

Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

If an orphan was an animal, it would be an owl because they don't know "WHOOO" their parents are.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why can’t orphans tell jokes?

Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.

My dad is a pussy.

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.

Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."