Family jokes

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

I sucked your mom's anus.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

An apple gets picked.

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?

Your mother.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.