Family jokes

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don't know what a full house is.

Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

Christopher's Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

Turns out Christopher was adopted.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!