Family jokes

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

Why does my brother have no mom?

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

Why don’t orphans have phones?? Because their parents can’t buy them one.

Why don't orphans call...

Because they can't call home.

Orphans don’t have parents, lol.

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Wanna hear a joke? Your dad leaving you, you sad clown!

I see you.

Orphans are cool.

Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

A: One of them gets picked.

Why do orphans always ask Alexa to order milk?

Because their dad never brought it home.

We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.

I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.

Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?

Answer: They couldn't find home base.

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

Mother: We need to talk about sex...

Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.