Family

Family jokes

Family memes

Antenna

    • These are all of my terrible jokes.

    Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

    A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

    Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

    I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

    A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

    A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

    Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

    What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

    A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

    What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

    A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

    I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

    A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

    Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

    What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

    What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

    Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

    Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

    There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

    Yo mama

    • Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

    Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

    Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

    Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

    Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

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    • Bird

    • My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

    That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    Kid

    • Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

    But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

  • 1

    • Cow

    • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

    What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

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    • Father

    • Girl: "Daddy!"

    Father: "Do I love you?"

    Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

    Father: "Mhm!"

    Woman: "Daddy?"

    Father: "Of course?"

    Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

    Father: "Does God love children?"

    Boy: "Yessss..."

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