Family jokes
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
Why does an orphan cry when we say "ur mom?"
Because they have no mom.
Why do any orphans have sex?
Because they can't call anyone "daddy."
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't go home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.
My dad just comes and goes.
Why do orphans miss half their basketball games? Cause they don't have home games.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.