Family jokes
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know home base.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.