Family jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home, lol.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apples get picked! 🤪

When you are bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Call their parents?

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples actually get picked.

What are an orphan's favorite shoes?

White Vans.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

Why are orphans always at school?

'Cause they can't be homeschooled.

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

Q: Why can orphans never be criminals?

A: Because they're never wanted.

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.