Family jokes

Why did Johnny cry?

He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.

A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."

His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."

He says, "I was talking to the sheep."

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

What is more time-consuming than children?

Waiting for your wife to go into labor!

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

I love my family when they're buried alive.

Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?

Answer: The tree.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"John."

"John who?"

John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because they actually come back.

Nobody likes you because you are an orphan.

Yo momma so ugly when she the and ugly weird the and she ugly!

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.

Why are orphans gay? Because they can’t come out to anyone.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple always gets picked. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yo mama's such a milf, she deserves a tongue punch in the fart box.