Family jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find their way home.

I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

Mom! (DYM 3)

A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.

She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”

“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.

“Exactly,” replied the mom.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?

Because it didn’t have one.