Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
