Family jokes

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"