Family jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.

What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.

My dad just comes and goes.

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.