Family jokes

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

Why don’t orphans play football?

They have no home field.

Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?

Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make him clap until his parents come back.

Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!

You and your mom.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.