Family jokes
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
I fucked your mom.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
Thanksgiving
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
Why can't orphans bake?
They don't have milk.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
Why don't orphans watch TV?
Because of "Family Guy."
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
What kind of flower do orphans use? Self-raising.
Why do orphans live on the street?
They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
What is missing when an orphan buys a laptop?
The home screen.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.