Family jokes

Q: Why can’t orphans play baseball?

A: Because they can’t find home.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "Daddy~"

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?