Family jokes
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
My grandpa and your hairline go way back.
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Ha, orphans are soooooo funny. I mean, they have many family stories. Oh wait...