Family jokes
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.
Also me: Are you okay?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?
Me: Because you have no family.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home. 😢
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why do orphans prefer trucks? Because, unlike their parents, it is different.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back with the milk!
Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?
They don't have parent permission.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
What type of movies are orphans not allowed to watch?
PG movies.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"