Family jokes
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?
Because it has no home button.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because he doesn’t know where home is.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
My grandpa and your hairline go way back.
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
I saw a little boy begging for money.
I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents!"
Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.