Family jokes

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because there is no home plate.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They can’t find home.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.

Why do orphans cry alone?

They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.

Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?

Because they return eventually.

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.

Kylin fucks his sister.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked!

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never learned how to home cook.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Why do orphans air?

It’s invisible just like their parents.

Why don't orphans play tag?

Because there's no one to catch.