Family jokes
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?
My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.
Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.
Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*
Why can't orphans play softball?
Because they don't know where home base is.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.