Family jokes
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
That's all is needed to complete my day
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.