Family jokes
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
Orphans around my area only watched Youtube Shorts.
I asked them and then realized they can't click the home button.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked!
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because the dad never came with the milk.
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?