Family jokes

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?

Neither can be found.

Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they like to feel wanted!

My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.

What company do orphans hate the most?

S. C. Johnson, a family company.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

Why was an orphan loving school?

Because the people actually came back.

Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

Why do orphans become criminals?

To know what it’s like to be wanted.