Family jokes

I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Orphan: I'm hungry.

Dad: Let's go to KFC.

Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!

Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?

Because they have no parental guidance.

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.