Family jokes
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
Brutha was caught lacking
It’s me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"