Family jokes
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
This is how @The Ugly Rats cousin Looks like
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
It’s me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.