Family jokes
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
Memes
Brutha was caught lacking
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
Orphan: I wish to be like Batman.
Genie: Your wish is granted.
Orphan goes home. His parents are dead.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.