Family jokes

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

Your mom and your dad.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?

A: Because they can't find home.

What do you call an orphan's parents?

Dead meat.

Stranger: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Stranger: Not your parents.

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

What was the orphan's first video game console?

PS5 because it has no home button.