Family jokes
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.