Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Family Jokes
What’s an orphan's favorite beer?
Foster's.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
Your mom and your dad.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
