Family jokes
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?
One is wanted.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
I like abusing orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.
How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who’s there?
Kid: Not your parents.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.