Family jokes

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t have a home to run to.

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

Me: I will f**k ur mom.

Orphan: I don't have one.

Me: ......

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.

What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?

The apple actually gets picked.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.

What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?

A selfie.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.

How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What is the difference between an orphan and a robber?

One is wanted.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.