Family jokes

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her elbows.

TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"

Orphans: "Yea."

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

I punched my mom for no freaking reason.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

Your sister is your mother.

Your father is your brother.

You all shag one another.

The Inbred family.

What’s an orphan's favorite beer?

Foster's.

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his parents.

Oasis, am I right?

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is! 🤣

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"