Family jokes
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans like baseball so they can know what a real home is?
My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They never can make it home.
What's between an orphan and an apple tray?
The apples get picked.
Why did the orphan fail in baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why are orphans not that good at baseball?
They can never hit a homerun.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Stop it with the "yo mama" jokes. They are just offensive.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.