Family jokes
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
Why do orphans eat their cereal with water?
Their dad never came with the milk.
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
What’s the difference between you and an orphan...
NOTHING!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Knock knock. Who is there?
I don't know.
Where do orphans go to celebrate graduation?
Their parents.
What phone do orphans have?
An iPhone 10R.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
Yo mama so fat, she is fat.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
What is an orphan's least favorite show?
"Fuller House."
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.