What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
One day, an orphan threw a boomerang, and it didn’t come back like its parents.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
