Family jokes

Question: What did the sun say to the little star?

Answer: Are you my SUN?

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?

A redneck virgin.

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

Why do orphans never play baseball?

'Cause they can never get a home run.

The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?

A selfie.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

What is the difference between iPhones and orphans?

iPhones have a home button.

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?

He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.