Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Why can’t orphans have milk?
Because their dad never came back.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
What are an orphan's favorite shoes?
White Vans.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Your mom gay.