Family jokes

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Your nan's bald.

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

Ur mom fat lol.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

You know why orphans like boomerangs?

Because they come back, unlike their parents.

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

What type of cake can orphans not have?

Homemade.

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.