Family

Family Jokes

Doctor

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Cancer

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Tit

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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  • Son

    I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

    Condom

    "Son, I found a condom in your room."

    "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

    "Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

    "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

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  • Gay

    "What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

    "It means 'happy'," replied the father.

    "Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

    "No, son, I have a wife."

    Mama

    Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

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  • Yo mama

    Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

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  • Mama

    Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.

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  • Yo mama

    Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.

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  • Stork

    Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

    His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

    Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

  • 1
  • Mom

    Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

    Palm Sunday.