Family jokes
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."
To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
IDK! WHY?
To go see yo mama!
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.