When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
I sucked your mom's anus.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
What did the mom say to the baby?
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
