Family jokes
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
Like this joke. Ur mom.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Where does an orphan come from?
Daddy getting milk.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Yo mama so FAT...
That when she had sex with you...
Your balls turned to pancakes.
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Why can’t orphans have dad jokes? Because they don’t got one.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.