Family jokes
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why do orphans love school?
'Cause people actually come back.
I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
Like this joke. Ur mom.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.