Family jokes
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Why can't orphans do it?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"
They didn't reply.
I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why do orphans love school?
'Cause people actually come back.
I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."