Family Jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why do orphans love school?

'Cause people actually come back.

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

Like this joke. Ur mom.

Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!

What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?

Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.

Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.

He sucked his sister's poop hole.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

Yo mama so FAT...

That when she had sex with you...

Your balls turned to pancakes.

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.