Family jokes
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.