Family jokes
Why don’t orphans play poker?
'Cause they don’t know what a full house is.
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
What was the orphan's favorite cartoon show?
"Fairly OddParents."
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples are picked.
Your mother.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
The apples get picked.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
What is an orphan's favorite show?
"Full House."
What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?
A normal kid has a family.
I was raised as an only child.
Which really annoyed my twin sister.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
What’s an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.