Family jokes
What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?
"Mum" and "Dad."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
How come orphans know how to do laundry?
Cause that's usually the mom's job.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't have a home to run back to.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
When orphans go to school, they can’t get parent pickup.
Why don't orphans call...
Because they can't call home.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
Why do orphans hate baseball so much?
Because they can't run home.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕