Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple and a child?
The apple gets picked.
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
Name something an orphan can't do?
Go cry to their mommy.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?
They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't run home.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.