Family jokes

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.

Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.

New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because there is no home.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

Why did the orphan rob a bank?

For he can be wanted.

Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.

I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?

One's wanted.

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."