Family jokes
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Why couldn't an orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home plate.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
What type of cake can orphans not eat? Homemade.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
What's the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
The criminal is wanted.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.