eye's jokes
What's a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
To get to Birds Eye.
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
What did Rob O'Neill say before he shot Osama Bin Laden between the eyes?
"Go to HELLakbar!"
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.