eye's jokes

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

What do you call a dick with three eyes?

Preston.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Correctly spelled.

Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

Minecraft YouTube, but I can sing Believer!

YouTube, but I'm making a first video in YouTube.

And I record all the Minecraft videos and upload.

Ooohh! To try it and upload. Ooohh!

I've been recorded to streaming, couple more sleeps to do the dreaming.

I finally get to the stronghold, and if you told me, you told me, you told me, you told me.

Place some more ender eyes, and it's time to big surprise.

It's time to kill the ender dragon, go into the...

END!

Take that crystal, take that crystal, Believer, Believer!

Knock him down, knock him down, Believer, Believer!

Axe it's head, axe it's head.

Axe it's head, defeat him.

SUBSCRIBE!!!

I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?

UGLY!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer (no idea).

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

POOP!

What do you call a fish with no tail? A one-eyed grape.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.

This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!

Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"