eye's

eye's jokes

Zoo

    • Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

    Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

    Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

    Brother

    • I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

    When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

    I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

    I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

    (just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

    (He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

    (MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

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    • eye's memes

    Hunter

    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

    The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

    Deer

    • What is a doe called with no legs?

    •" No legged deer."

    What do you call a deer with no ears?

    •" No eared deer."

    What do you call a deer with no eye?

    •" No eye deer."

    XDDDDDD

    Guy

    • Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

    So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

    The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

    She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

    Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

    So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

    So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

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    • Skin

    • I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

    Drink

    • Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

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    • Sweater

    • I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

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