Ex Jokes

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.

What do you call an ex-lesbian?

A clitter quitter.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.