Everyone jokes
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.
The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!