Everyone Jokes

I play saxophone and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason I got multiple restraining orders because I said “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson”, I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

how do you get a party started in Africa

you put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss

I asked my now ex boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat so yeah 😂)

There's nothing stronger than love except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

1273 pleas kill me, everyone hates me

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone’s dying to get in."

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.

“Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball everyone thought she was pregnant again.

Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.

why are americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

jimmy does stand up comedy he says “what do you call an orangutang”

jake replies “YOU” then everyone including the teacher laughs jimmy cries

LOL

A note for my old English Teacher:

Mr colin, who loves making a din, he thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, that's not what everyone shows, about his life he ploughs and ploughs, about his dog bella and his relation-ship woes... mr colin, we do not care, when you speak, our minds are not there, your life you have unnecessarily shared, when we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr colin, rumbling about his exceptions, just when someone puts something in the bin, or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, but Mr Colin, drinking too much gin, will flail all his annoying attention on him, he'll push his limits, right to the rim... And just how i love flan~ Oh he's finally gone~

@DreamBlue

@everyone.. whats so funny is that JIT thinks hes so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster. the pathetic part is that he hates on everyone elses family nd relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one then he will ever deserve. he was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. so JIT please tell me what its like to be such a coward?

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

Anonymous: this guy reads everyones jokes but why dose he not anser his mom

Why did the mailman die? Cause everyone dies

Why did the titanic sink because everyone played Simon says