Everyone jokes

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

Me: "The villain has a point, you know."

Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:

Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.

Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.

"the floor is lava!"

- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

Hello everyone, I would just like to apologize for participating in the protest and everything else I said. I was wrong and have recently found a way to see all these jokes as funny. I hope that you all can forgive me. ALYA

JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.

Dark jokes are like gay people, Not everyone likes them.

Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Everyone at the Queen's funeral:

Me and the boys getting her reboot card.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!