When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
Everyone put your age here.
Why is everyone trying to make a big deal out of this? My family were only flying to Pakistan and crashed into 2 towers.
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Why is Death the world's biggest slut?
Death gets to f*** everyone.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Everyone punch orphans what are they gonna do tell their parents?
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
Me: Doctor can I get new butt? My old one has a crack in it. Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it. Me: How do you know that?
What does Justin Bieber and a rabbit have in common?
They're both adorably cute and everyone loves them except for Justin Bieber.
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
