Evers jokes
I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.
I am the least serious person ever, but whoever is joking about cancer is vile :)
Get some fucking respect, you silly tramp!
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.
It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."