Event jokes
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jets versus towers, USA lost two.