Event jokes
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.
2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.
3) 10 dead babies.
What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?
A monkey caused worldwide outrage.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!