Event jokes

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

Why is 10 afraid?

Because he next to 9 and 11.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

There will be better punchlines at BlessedBrian’s FUNERAL than in his JOKES.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

What do gingers miss most at a grate party?

The invitation.

What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,

Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.