A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
How do you throw a space party?
You plan-et! Hahahaha, get it?
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.
2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.
3) 10 dead babies.
What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?
A monkey caused worldwide outrage.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
